This past Monday was the new moon in Aries, a sign of creative new beginnings and yes SPRING. On the eve of my birthday I sit here thinking about a promise I made to myself a long time ago that I will never forget (although I admit there are fleeting moments when it’s a tough one for me to implement). I remember being a kid and watching adults avoid talking about their age, making stupid jokes about turning a certain age or people saying I shouldn’t ask someone how old they are. At the time this made no sense to me. I vowed to myself I would not only always celebrate my birthday in some way or another no matter what, but that I would never be “ashamed” or hide my age but find ways to embrace the different aspects of what it means to change as life goes on and also the ways that certain parts actually get better.
Age is a funny thing right? I’m sure any of you reading this right away have automatically programed ideas/images/preconceived notions about what age means to you. Even though the days (or weeks…) leading up to my birthday often stir up some anxiety, fears and confusion, once the actual day arrives I am ready and happy to embrace it.
I see this a lot with anticipating the inevitable changes in life - the build up is often harder to manage than the actual event itself (at least for me it is, can anyone relate to that?). I can’t help but find myself in the time leading up thinking about what “another year passing” means to me —What I have accomplished…what have I not accomplished that I thought I would have by now (and what does accomplishment even mean to me now?) what do I desire…where I am willing to compromise…what mistakes I have made…lessons learned…who are true friends that I’ve known through so many years…who are the friends I’ve lost…what does my future hold…how do I want to feel in the next many chapters…and so on.
This past month has been huge and full of all those questions. I was fortunate having the opportunity of making two important trips happen— both to Mexico (where I was born) but vastly different places and experiences. Worlds apart really. The first being educational and something to build on with a retreat I’m planning to bring back there. I am in the process of picking dates.
It was an extra special trip because my parents were able to come with me!
The space in-between the two trips was actually a very difficult time for me. Horribly so, actually. And sometimes that’s just the way it goes. I have learned to accept and look at it through a different lens. I think all these years of meditation is finally showing me how to do that better. (I’ll share more about that another time).
After the time away with people I love and care about, (NOT working on the second trip!!), resting, time playing in the water and sunshine, eating some of my all time favorite foods and just having time to be. What treasured time it was! I came back feeling so much better and ready for the new season coming in. To me, as I have written about before— this feels more like the “new year” to me—(not because it’s my birthday) but because of what spring represents in all of us. The newness, the ground is thawing, the possibilities and energy after a long, dark winter.